as we all know. So of course I have to explain the chain of events that finally brought me to the point of starting this blog.
WARNING: IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY CUSSING PLEASE STOP READING HERE. TRY AS I MIGHT, I JUST CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO NOT WRITE HOW I SPEAK. AND I HAVE A POTTY MOUTH. AND IF YOU TAKE OFFENSE TO SOME LITTLE WORDS BUT YOU DON’T TAKE OFFENSE TO THINGS LIKE THIS THAT ARE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD, YOU HAVE YOUR PRIORITIES ALL FUDGED UP. AND I DON’T WANT PEOPLE LIKE THAT READING THIS BLOG ANYWAYS!
okay, anyways, moving on now that we got rid of all the boring people lmao
So today, Monday… Monday is like your friend that is such a freaking downer but you invite her along because who else is going to make sure y’all get home safe and sound while you and your real besties are puking y’alls guts out the window of her mom’s Grand Am because you probably have alcohol poisoning but you know you’ll live because this boring bitch will have all the necessities to make sure you survive the night of drinking tequila, vodka AND rum mixed together chased by two sips of diet Coke. That day of the week that’s just necessary to get SHIT done. ya know? So today would be the day that I find out that this slime of a douche that I have been dating has gotten back together with his ex girlfriend. And not by this spineless ball-less sack of shit of an excuse of a “man” but by FREAKING FACEBOOK. So after I send him a text and let him know what a scummy piece of worthless garbage he is, I block him off my phone. What’s sad is, I literally have lost count now how many times that this similar situation has happened to me. Sometimes with the same dumbass dude.
So of course I start to cry.
and of course I have to get my ass up and go to the chiropractor while all of this is drumming in my head.
*side note I totaled my car by hydroplaning into a semi 3/30/17 **my grandpas birthday. He is an Aries and although there’s an Aries man that completely obliterated my heart, **I will have to make a separate post about that** Aries are definitely some of the BEST people of all freaking time. like seriously Leos are def number 1 but Aries have to be a close second omggggg* — So I have been going to Physical Therapy 3 times a week and Chiropractor 3 times a week. It’s exhausting. mentally and physically. but amazingly, the staff of each of these places are my saving grace, I swear to g that I don’t know what the hell I would do without them the past couple of weeks because this has been one of the hardest journeys of my life and they are so encouraging and understanding! **anyways that’s another blog in and of itself too.
So I get to the Chiropractor and they are like oh yeah… we need to do this test where we see how much pain you can endure. And I am like lady, I am an overweight half Mexican half Jew that only dates black men, how much pain CANT I endure??? lmaooooooo
so they start to do this test and I kid you not, I start crying like a little bitch. because I really messed up my back ya know I have been doing all of this work trying to fix it but I am in pain literally every day and they are jabbing this prong into the places of my nerve damage and all my pain to try and see how bad it is. I need no sympathy but I didn’t think this little prong thing would bring me to tears.
And then I realize it’s not just this little prong thing. It’s EVERYTHING. Literally since last may, I was living in Alabama, about to lose my job because I was DEVASTATED over this man that I was madly in love with that didn’t love me back. for three years I gave him EVERYTHING inside of me and he gave me BULLSHIT in return. *another blog lol* I was about to lose my apartment because of course I was working a commission job and I wasn’t making jack shit so I had no money, spent all my savings, couldn’t keep up with my phone bill, car note, student loans, I was DROWNING. So then my mother convinces me to come move back to Illinois the place where I swear to g the devil landed when he was kicked out of heaven and cursed the entire state omg yuck this is the worst place in America. I never wanted to be here! But I grew up here. And I know so many people here so of course I had some friends but I left here to get away from trouble and basically just run away from my demons. but here I am back in this hell hole, living with my parents at the age of 27. I left their house when I turned 18 to live on my own and was barely home before that because I always had jobs and friends. So now I am miserable for so many reasons, then two days after the two weeks it takes me to move all of my things to Illinois from Alabama going back and forth picking things up from my wonderful friend Dono’s house that he so graciously allowed me to store there, my mother kicks me out on my ass. In the streets, no money, nowhere to go, no food, no job, NOTHING. literally the clothes on my back and a basket of clothes and this car I can’t even pay for. Thank God for my big booty friend. they all use to say we are twins but I swear this bitch is so much prettier than I could ever hope to be so it would feel like such a compliment when people would say that even tho I think they only said it because we both have big ass booties and look white & Hispanic lmao but that bitch is Native American & white. I mean duh all Mexicans are Native American but not all Native Americans are Mexican. She has been my rock, man. but again, *different blog post*
But I realized through the grace of God, I have survived. And I realized that my message needs to be heard. because I know there are people out there that are just as lost as me. just as broken as me. and with every story there is to tell, You can see the perseverance of just a regular ole fat bitch that decided to never give up even tho she said she gave up a million times. and that reminds me of a quote by some regular ole fat bastard lmao —
“When running up a hill, it is all right to give up as many times as you wish – as long as your feet keep on moving.”
So I will leave you with these questions:
how can you become a revolutionist if you are muted constantly?
what do you do when no one wants to hear what you have to say but they all need to?
how can you change your society when you can’t even change yourself?
and last, but most import:
HOW BAD DO YOU WANNA BE YOURSELF?????????
things to think on.
until next time bitches,
xoxo gossip girl