I thought hell would be all fire and brimstone and weeping and teeth grinding until the end of eternity. It turns out hell is more like Orlando Florida. Overcrowded, overpriced, cheap thrills, humid as hell and never ending lines to anticlimactic rides. Theme-less parks with unending wandering carrying overstuffed, oversized animals, half dehydrated and half succumb to a vertigo spell on and on for all time. I don’t really know how I got here or why. I guess I should not have gone thru the IPASS lane without an IPASS. I should have called my mother more, or called her a “bitch” less. I should have gone to temple. Shoulda woulda coulda. But now I am a wanderer. I am looking for nothing and that’s exactly what I find my endless days here. Until one fateful day a man dressed in black jeans and a black v neck t-shirt and gorgeous black hair walks straight up to me. “Welcome.” He says to me in a sweet vanilla voice as he holds out his hand in front of him to take mine. I quickly begin to size him up. I haven’t seen anyone here looking this happy. “Who are you?” I ask with bold cynicism written all over my face. “We are quite familiar my darling.” I take his hand and suddenly I am in a giant room lined with bookshelves beyond my eyesight. The bookshelves are filled with books and beautiful knickknacks and glass figurines. There is a grand piano in the middle of the room and he sits down to play. He doesn’t even touch the keys but they begin to quiver and let out a low bellow then continue to play Chopin – Nocturne op. 9 No. 2. “This is my favorite song!” I squeal. “I know my sweet little kitten.” I take a step towards the bookshelves and realize on them are my old belongings, things I loved as a child. A white porcelain cat with a pink bow around her neck that was lost in a flooding of my childhood home’s basement. Books that my mother burned in an attempt to cleanse me of evil. The movie The Little Mermaid that she had ripped out all of the film of the VHS right in front of my very eyes and cut it into shreds when I was about 7 because it was filled with witchcraft. “Are these all MY things?!?!” I cannot tell if I am incredibly exultant or desperately despondent. “You can have whatever you want my cherry blossom. That’s why you’re here in the first place. To fulfill your longings.” My want is suddenly to kiss him but I see he is playing a game of seduction. So, I will play along. “But what could I give you in return? What could I possibly have that you want.” I ask sheepishly. “Oh nothing extraordinary my petunia. It’s been the deal this whole time; it’s always been on the table. What is your soul in the scope of eternity to have everything your heart desires? The princess of darkness.” With this he stands from the piano and grabs me by the waist and starts to twirl me around the room. Suddenly we are in a ballroom and I have the most beautiful black princess gown with a matching black tiara on the crown of my head. I feel elated, the height of bliss. I then realize I have been doing this dance my entire life.