“I have been boy crazy since day 1. I don’t know what it is about men that is just so wonderful to me. The curve of their strong jaw, their capable hands. The broadness of the shoulders. I could sit and stare at a man all day and fall in love. This is what has distracted me throughout my lifetime. I meet a man, and my entire life course is derailed so that I can go on some grand adventure of what I think is love but turns out to be some narcissistic mind game where they are the saw dude and I am some dumb broad chopping off my own leg to survive. But I loved them none the less. A part of me always has to I guess. Or else what was it for? I remember the first guy I was gaga over what my girlfriend’s brother. We were 6. I had my first kiss a couple months after that from some boy named Nathan. We use to always pretend we were getting married and our favorite part was now you may kiss the bride. That was the closest I have ever gotten to the alter. I have this picture of this perfect guy in my head. He would be a great listener, he would know when to give me space, when you smother me with affection, he would know to stop me if we are running in the rain to our car to kiss me like Noah in The Notebook. He would know to play Usher all day if I want to be in a good mood and play Michael Jackson all day when I am cleaning. He would know that if I am crying I NEED chocolate. I think that if I could find one that would do all of these things then maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to…” Lea pauses
“The need to what?” Says Eileen.
“I don’t know, the need to get away from them. Free from them.” Lea has a look on her face that Eileen can’t quite make out. Lea looks pleased with herself but also confused. Eileen decides to push deeper
“Do you think that this may have anything to do with your father being neglectful of your needs?” Eileen knew that Lea’s father was a very sore subject with Lea and over the past 16 sessions every time that Eileen has tried to work out some of the issues or to at least open Lea up, lea has shut down.
Lea looks up at Eileen and smirks at her. “I think we are about out of time for today.” Lea says as she starts to gather her purse
Eileen chuckles a little “I thought that was my line?”
Lea gets up and gives Eileen a hug, “Do you really think this is working?”
Eileen sighs “you have to open up more Lea. I have told you this. You want to get to the deep rooted issues, you have to face them. I know it’s not easy but…”
Lea cuts Eileen off, “I just don’t know if I can tell you all of my deepest darkest secrets just because you’re a therapist now. I have known you for too long.”
Eileen laughs again, “girl, I know more about you than anyone else. Ive been analyzing you for 12 years.”
“Well then what’s your diagnosis doc?”
“I would have put you in the looney bin a long time ago”
They both laugh and Lea leaves.