11.12.18

I don’t deserve you
My love has been sullied by the wandering
soldiers seeking shelter in the civil war of my
mind
You
You with your sweet heart full of love
Your beautiful mind full of pure thoughts
Your genius brain
Seeking to help and understand
And I
Me, a curmudgeon
Jealousy fueling all of my intentions
Selfishness my modus operandi
I am the devil in a dress
To your angel cloaked in righteousness
What a peculiar pair
You are nothing that I wanted
Everything that I needed
Taming this Tasmanian devil in my soul
Stopping me from spinning out of control
Every house of cards I build
I come huffing and puffing
And lighting on fire
“What a big mouth you have”
The better to ruin your life with, my dear
I will cop an attitude
I will swing from mood to mood like Tarzan
through the jungle
I will bang on my chest trying to BE THE
MAN when I know that’s your role I’m
pretending to fill when I don’t approve of
how you’re doing it yourself
Like I have any clue how a man should be a
man
All my misguided notions fueled by fear
Fear of missing out
Fear of falling short
Fear of failure
Fear of the inevitable injury to my already
triaged heart
Could you ever love me?
This foul creature I wish I didn’t have to be
But the world doesn’t let little girls with
flowers in their hair turn into women with
innocence and grace
No this world turned me into a warrior
Stripped me of my identity
Placed all of these labels on me and told me
to be defined by them
Mold and shape myself into the role I must
play
Be beautiful, sensual, pleasing
My self worth derived from my sexuality
But then condemns me for being too sexy
I feel like I dreamed you up
Somehow the dark corners of my mind find a
place to let light in
Then somehow you come into fruition
You and all the crosses you bore with my
name on them
King of the fools
AND I StILL FIND IT HARD TO FOLLOW YOU
And I still nail you to the cross every chance I get
Forgive me lover for I have sinned
You
You with your forgiveness and patience
And I
I don’t deserve you

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s