about generational curses

I have been thinking a lot lately about generational curses. I allow the shadow to get me so distracted from the light. I will have every single intention to write but I will get on my phone, check all my social media, remember to text someone, get a call, think of chores I need to get done. I swear, I can never remember more vividly what I need to accomplish more than when I am trying to write! And I keep thinking about generational curses. And how do we break generational curses if we cannot figure out what they are specifically? But I believe that the more we study ourselves, the more we will be able to identify those curses within ourselves. I have been so reluctant to write about this for so long because I believed that these were stories that were not my own so I had no right to tell them; this is my story though. This is the makeup of me, my history. The things that were accomplished, the origin of what makes me who I am. My grandfather had an immigrant mother. She did not speak English. She would read the newspaper and pick out words to learn, she would translate them and that is how she taught herself English. They were poor. Like real life poor, homeless. My grandfather vowed to himself that he would never allow his children to see the things he saw or have the experiences he had. He strove for a greater life, and he accomplished it. His experiences hardened him like a warrior. He had three soldiers as sons. The eldest being my father. I don’t know what it is about a girl and her daddy but I swear that man can do NO wrong. And because I felt like this, I overlooked a lot of very toxic behaviors that I considered “normal” because they were my experience. And when you are a child, you know nothing else of the world except your own experience. I really did not understand that it was not a common experience until I was older. My father was incredibly controlling. I grew up in the middle of a corn field. My father is from the city. My grandmother use to joke that we were the “children of the corn.” Hahaha I will never forget that. My father had his own experiences with witnessing the worst of people’s shadow self in the city so he wanted to make sure that his children were protected. But I was not socialized until about the age of 13. I was homeschooled with a Christian curriculum so I literally knew nothing about anything except the Bible. I LOVED TO READ tho… my mother would take us to the library a few times a week and I would get 3-5 books every time and finish them within hours. My brain could not get enough words. I could travel all over the world from the corner of my living room. We use to have this coffee table and I would put a blanket over it and lay under it or lay under the dining room table and read my books. I had no other place to be alone in my house. I had 5 siblings so it wasn’t exactly peace and quiet. It’s crazy how your tribe has such understanding for you because of all your shared experiences. I don’t believe anyone in this world understands me more than my siblings. I was the only fire sign, so I got left out a lot. My father was an earth sign, along with my best friend/sister that was directly under me in age, and also my baby brother. My mother, my oldest brother and my younger sister are air signs. And my baby sister, the funniest of us all is a water sign. When I was younger I never understood how she was the only one who could calm me when I was in a complete rage like she did until when She was about 15 and I about 24 started getting into astrology and figured out our elements and how they respond to one another.

Discernment of spirits
My grandmother and my mother would call them “visionettes” which was basically being able to see something that is going to happen before it happens to warn those in need. Or like seeing the outcome of a certain situation to be able to prepare the family. Or being able to see something thats wrong that people don’t know about yet. Like, they had “visionettes” about my sister having a girl before we did the gender reveal for my niece. That’s just a small example.
Perseverance through excruciating circumstances
Abundant love
A heart to help others
A colossal love for music
The ability to think quickly on my feet
The ability to stay calm in a state of crisis
The gift of story telling
I will add to this list as I think of more

The demanding need for control
Easily angered
Easily distracted
Manipulation to seek for my own will
Sharp tongue
Emotionally distant or unavailable
Hold a grudge (for literally forever)
Not tell people my true feelings about them to protect my own heart/ feeling like I am giving them control if I let them know how much they mean to me.

So, as you can see the good wayyyyy outweighs the bad. BUT the bad is still bad. These are things I seek to remedy inside of my soul. So, embarking on this journey to rectify the things I want to break with this generation. But I will stand up and say NO MORE. I want to be very honest with myself in admitting these faults and even bad characteristics I have picked up that started with MY generation that I do not want to pass down to the following generations. I think that identifying the problems are definitely the first step. So, maybe you could create a list like this too. And of course as you think of more things you can add it. But the things that come first to your mind are probably the biggest things you can start to slowly work on. At least, that’s what I am going to do.

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