S1 E2 “Blocked”
Medusa sits up from her sofa as her trainer breaks the conference call for lunch. She is relieved for a break but not so much hungry. She rather write since she didn’t get a chance to this morning because she was busy doing her makeup to put on a show for her present audience. She picks up her phone and begins a voice memo to herself that will probably never see the light of day.
“So, I blocked him. I had to. I had unfriended him on snapchat and I lost my nerve and added him back, (which is why I always have guys add me because then you can remove them and add them without them realizing. That way if they pop up in your “best friends” and you don’t want the agony of having to see the fact that they are your highest snapped person and you don’t have the confirmation of the mutual love with the yellow heart that turns to red after two weeks then you can just remove them as a friend and add them back and they won’t be in your “best friends” anymore. You’re welcome ;o)
What I was talking about to my sister this morning, I was looking in the mirror and I finally understood. I GOT IT. The reason people say “you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else isn’t because you have to accept yourself or learn how to deal with yourself or whatever. It’s because of what I was saying before about us all being a collective consciousness and the universe splitting us into a thousand pieces all embodying the energy of the collective whole. But we get caught up in the importance of our own energy that we become selfish and try to monopolize all the power. The power in the relationships, the power in the communities, countries, the world. If we don’t first LOVE OURSELVES, we are not grateful for what the universe has provided which is a vessel to embody this consciousness. If we don’t love it, we are not grateful, then we do not take care of it. Our bodies are our own ecosystem. What happens when you allow garbage in your ecosystem? Pollution, toxic relationships, toxic friendships, gossip, complaining, etc. But if you love yourself, you take care of yourself. You create cycles and routines for yourself. You practice self care. And then, the universe will grant you more access to another person’s universe to begin to help take care and cultivate their universe. But you should only join together if you are on the same level of caring as them. If they cannot keep up with maintaining and cultivating relationships with their own friends and family members, how can they possibly cultivate healthy sustainable relationships with you? Watch how often they check in with family, how much they listen to their mother or father? How much they share with them? Is everything a secret? Do they put on a personality in front of them that completely differs from their daily personality? Is everything an act? One boy made a comment one time about how my socks were the cleanest socks he had ever seen in his life. And that’s the thing about me, You can see the outside, you may see my dumpy apartment in the ghetto, you may see my old shoes that I wear every single day. But my things are well taken care of. Because I look at them as a blessing that has been provided to me as tools that were gifted to make my life easier by the Creator. I am always giving the artist praise for their great work. And guess what? That makes the Artist want to give me more. Stronger lead roles. Because I appreciate what is given. And that’s why I had to let the Spartan go. He is a warrior so he is war minded. All is fair in love and war but love and war are not fair. He must focus on what’s important now. We are only distractions for each other. He makes me want to run back to Chicago every other moment just to touch him or kill him. But he ignores me then posts on snapchat he’s driving me crazy. So, I lay it down, the power over me is only from the artist. Not from my lover, not from my circumstances, what I see in the world today. My help comes from the Creator. My sufficiency is in them. So lover, know your place and be here nestled next to me. Be not Adam losing your way with words stuck in your throat like the apple. And I be not Eve wandering to snakes for advice because I want knowledge and attention. Can we just lay naked in Eden together living our days sucking juice from the gifted fruit, making love in the shade of paradise? Why must you play these power games and devil tricks? JUST LOVE ME.”
Medusa hears her class start to reassemble at their computers after the lunch break. She wipes the tears from her eyes, Takes a tissues and dabs her running makeup, Smiles widely and turns back on her computer camera.