We are already a week through June. That is so crazy to me. I feel like time is just running away from me but every day seems like it lasts and eternity. Isn’t it crazy how life is? So beautiful and unique. The same things happen every day yet no two days are the same. Routines help set the structure of my day which I think is helping me accomplish things and get them done. I noticed that for me personally, I HAVE to go to bed by 10 pm. I will still wake up early regardless of what time I go to sleep, but my brain will stay in bed if I do not go to sleep by 10 – 11 pm. I will be sluggish and unfocused and irritated.
I am having such great connections with people lately and I really think it’s putting my fear aside to be able to bond with them.
I get so distracted sooooo easily. I need to focus on making the task of writing at least 20 min every day. Consistency is key. I just have so much fear blocking me. I am afraid of what people will think about me if my belief system is not aligned with theirs. I am afraid that maybe my thoughts are wrong and if I have some sort of influence, where am I leading people? I consistently want to check myself.
I feel really bad because yesterday I couldn’t find my eyeliner. So, I went half the day of work without any on. Then, when most of the people left for the day and it’s just the two boys that were staying for the shift I am like ok I am going to Ulta. Not knowing that they closed at 6. Well, I was at their door at 6:03 and there were a bunch of people still checking out. A woman came to the door and just turned her back on me. I already felt disrespected that she didn’t acknowledge me. I said are you closed? She shook her head yes. I said I really only need to get eyeliner can’t I just check out? She shook her head no. I got pissed off. I called her a bitch to myself and I stormed off them sped away. I acted like A CHILD because I did not get what I wanted even though I did not feel like it was an unreasonable request at the time. But take into consideration I have no clue what their store policies are. Also, How selfish am I that I expect this entire staff to stay even longer when they have probably been working all day just to buy some eyeliner? So, I went to CVS and bought some. Then, I get back to my store and I can’t find the eyeliner I literally just got done buying. As I am looking through my car, I find the first eyeliner I lost. smh. So that entire situation could have been avoided all together had I just been diligent enough to look. So now I am feeling incredibly like a child. And the whole reason for my eyeliner in the first place was going out and I WENT HOME AND WENT TO BED ANYWAYS!
So, what did I learn? Stop acting like a child. Have a home for things. Always put them in their place and they will never be lost. And, react better. Work on your reactions. You cannot act out of selfishness when you promote selflessness. You can’t just pretend to be a good person until you don’t get your way. You have to really focus on practicing what you preach. It’s crazy that Tune was such a jerk but honestly what he was saying the whole time was full of truth and perception and I guess that my hatred towards him was because I did not like hearing the truth.
He really always said about my consistency and practicing what I preach. I am not justifying him or his actions. Because he was wrong too. But it’s possible to both be right and both be wrong.
It’s also important not to point out other’s shortcomings without acknowledging or at least attempting to acknowledge your own. And the means of delivering the message is just as important as the message itself. No one wants an attack on their preverbal heart village. Their ego being the King. So watch the way that you approach these situations.
I also want to work on gratitude. This 100% commission based job is really taking it’s toll on me. And last night I called my dad crying because I was questioning my purpose here and was it really God that sent me if I am running into so many obstacles to overcome? And should I look for a new job even though I believed that God gifted me this one?
My dad’s advice, You made a decision, now stay the course.
And just like that, it was easy. I decided this. This was my choice. So I must be grateful for all of the opportunities that have been bestowed upon me after I made this choice. I have been provided with all of the things I need, and if I have not been provided with the things themselves, I have been provided with the tools to obtain them for myself. And for that, I am thankful and PROUD.