Why is it so hard for me to give up control? Yet, I don’t control the things I can control. Instead, I try to control others, control outcomes. Control every circumstance around me. It makes me feel safer that way. I am a control FREAK. That’s been the hardest struggle between me and God, LOVE. Relinquishing control. I wish that someone could live inside of my brain with me for 2 minutes. So much goes on up here. I envy the girls that think of little, seldom. I do not want distractions any longer. I am realizing many of my relationships are just distractions. I must be around artists. Free thinkers, creatives. Their eyes are open to another realm, just like me. They see things. I see things.
There were demons in my bed when you left
That’s why I do not want you back
Stay far from me
Your love felt like ecstasy
But I couldn’t see
You were poison
I miss my sunshine. It’s been 11 days that have felt like a hundred million eternities.
WHY DO I KEEP FALLING FOR THE SAME DEVIL TRICKS????
I keep falling into darkness. WHY??? When I know what the light feels like? Nothing satisfies you like the light. He was my light. It burned me, scorched me. Tied me up, torched me, IT TORTURES ME.
Set me free muhfxa, set me free.
It really hurts purging these impurities.
MAKING GOLD IS A PAINFUL PROCESS.
I’m a mess